I just realized that things with me haven't changed in 15+ years!
Still carrying a lunch bag,
I used to wear a lanyard while working summer jobs and I'm still wearing one,
I'm still told what to do, I recognize that it's happening, and I have no motivation to be a decision maker because it seems trivial to me,
Other people still dictate what I wear everyday (I just want to wear jeans and a t-shirt),
I traded report cards for an annual assessment,
I still own a backpack and carry it everywhere,
At least once a day the dream of being a paleontologist or a puppy still crosses my mind. Seriously, digging up bones seems awesome and being a dog would RULE!
Last night, I desperately blurted my frustrations from the past two weeks to an unsuspecting friend in my car. (ahem, Archie) My New Years resolution was to be very honest with everyone around me and despite airing grievances publicly, it hasn't helped me feel any better. I'm still incredibly resentful towards people lately. There was a moment around 13th and Pennsylvania where I could feel my bottom lip pressed under my front two teeth, just primed to unleash the words "Fuck it!" As I finished my rant I found myself very emotional to the point where my heart was racing and I was about to cry.
Today, this is all beginning to seem very funny to me. I'm not outwardly laughing at myself just yet but I have managed to produce a pencil thin satisfied smirk. It's my way to recognizing how ridiculous this is and that, on occasion, I'm a distorted, needy, and egotistical prick. I feel like Judith Viorst is going to comically write me into a sequel for "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." Boo hoo! I'm excited that maybe I'll be asked to be a monologist for The Vagina Monologues, since I obviously don't have a dick. It's so pathetic that it's now funny to me.
Usually I let things affect me for only 24 hours and then I force myself to drop it. This recent daisy-chain of bullshit hasn't afforded me the time that I need to stop being a bitch and drop everything. Now I'm honestly wondering, "just how bitchy can I get?"
My current theme song: Broken Social Scene's Anthems for a Seventeen-year old girl
I should stop complaining and just have my period already.
This weekend I'm heading down to the Tar Heel state of North Carolina for some chuckles and makem-ups. Maybe it's partially the steroids talking but I'm extremely excited. We're performing Saturday night at 7pm along with troupes; The Arsenal (a two person zombie show, that's right Dave!), Underage Sugar Addicts (who's acronym is very patriotic), and Ay Diego! (since they're from Mass, I'm sure they'll be wicked awesome)!
I'm pumped but that's 100% the steroids talking. Check out our Tumblr account for updates during the weekend! http://dmgimprov.tumblr.com/
I know a lot of people talk about deleting their presence on different social media sites. "Oh man, I'm just gonna delete my Facebook account one of these days." "They keep messing with the security on these sites and that's it, I'm out."
I have secret dreams and wishes of not JUST deleting my social media sites but also my email addresses!
"How will people contact you?" - question from a person I already hate.
They'll pick up a phone and call me. I'll get an immediate answer and then move on with my life.
"But that's crazy!" - declaration from another idiot.
I wish I could also remove SMS from my phone. Yes, I'm wearing my old man pants today. And I'm about to go out on my screened porch, sit in a comfortable deck chair, with a pitcher of lemonade, and whittle a stick into a smaller stick.
My friend Curtis Raye is a good sport. We really give him a lot of shit but he just rolls with the jokes and is deadly funny in his own right. This happened last week at Harold night. Just so you know, I was so happy with this that the next day, whenever I thought about the show, I smiled and laughed.
I'm sure it's fucking adorable when you go to a Dave and Busters, have photos taken with your significant other, and then a computer chirps and clunks out a photo of your potential baby. Some babies are cute, but not all of them. While I don't have a high opinion of babies at the moment, the cute ones do end up as Gerber or Huggies models.
I really wish FB would stop with these advertisements. I log in to make sure everyone in my 'sphere' is wasting the same amount of time as I am at work, not to make a fat faced love child with someone.
My other problem is that I feel we, as a society, are just one step away from having advertisements that say, "Babies get discounts when they sign up at Gold's Gym." It's wordy but I'm not a copywriter. You get the point. I don't want to go to the gym and have to wait for a treadmill because some six month old is monopolizing the equipment! At six months, he's definitely not going to be able to read the "Please limit yourself to 30 minutes on all cardio equipment" sign.
And yes, I wrote myself an email about this last January 25, 2010 because I had nothing better to do at the time.
